Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I'm in the homestretch now, only a couple of weeks left.
One of the phenomena that is commonly felt by very pregnant women is their belly getting so huge they can't see their feet anymore. I don't remember this ever being something I experienced with the other pregnancies, my problem was just that I couldn't bend over to put my shoes on any more.
But I always could at least see my feet, even if I couldn't reach em'.

We all remember the famous line from Star Wars (well ok, mom, you may not. But everyone else does) when Old Ben Kenobi mystically waves his hand at the troopers and says "These are not the droids you're looking for."

It's one of the first peeks at the power of the force.

I wish I could harness some of that Jedi mind-trick stuff and use it on myself.

Because every time I look down at these over-inflated flippers, I say to myself "These are not the feet you're looking for" and I wish I could experience that whole "I can't even see my feet now" thing.

These suckers can't be mine.
(I apologize for ailing you all with the nasty visual)

Tim took this a couple days ago and I couldn't be happier that my feet are cut off.

Friday, August 6, 2010

When describing what it feels like to be 8 months pregnant,

two memorable movies come to mind.
Number one, the sci-fi flick Alien. Because I don't care how miraculous it is to grow a living thing inside of you, it's still a living thing inside of you poking and pushing it's way around so much a woman's belly can resemble a water balloon filled with angry gremlins.

And Ghostbusters, because the rest of her is about as happy and fluffy as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man waddling heavily through the streets of Chicago, (or is it NY?) happy and jolly on the outside, but ready to stomp on the next person who says how cute she looks.
Trust me, angry gremlins in your tummy and feet as big as Michelin tires do not feel "cute".
But please feel free to tell her how her lovely glow (sweat and acne) really emphasizes her femininity (robust curves). Just make sure you are offering a hot fudge mint chocolate chip cheesecake sundae with a warm chocolate pop tart on top while you say it.