In honor of Billy Mays, I'd like to dedicate this post to my brother.

Tired of those pesky dirty ants taking over the house? They're on your floor, in your cabinets, under your appliances, and EVEN IN YOUR FOOD!

Take back control of your home with the "ANT KILLER 3000!" Designed and named by experts, (Shannon) this gadget will rid your lovely home of these critters and make your house a nicer, cleaner place to live.

You simply place the ANT KILLER 3000 on the surface the ant is occupying and press the masher down several times. IT'S THAT SIMPLE!

No more disease-infested insects invading your immaculate kitchen. It also works on sitting-still flies, spiders, and sometimes cockroaches. IT'S A MULTI-PURPOSE TOOL!

Clean up is a breeze! With a simple wipe, ant guts are virtually invisible!

Does your brother or sister drive you insane? Do they make your life miserable with the constant picking and teasing and...talking?

Well you'll be excited to know that the ANT KILLER 3000 also doubles as a crayon launcher!

Now when the tormenting becomes unbearable and you find yourself reaching for some kind of retaliation, look no further than the ANT KILLER 3000! Simply load the shaft with ammo of your choice, pull back the plunger, aim, and... WHAM! No more pesky sibling!

*keep away from parents*

*not recommended for use as a cookie press*